25 ianuarie 2008

Tentative de umor cu circumstanţe agravante

Nici n-am apucat să fac până la capăt pe grozavul, scriind despre situaţiile în care era să mor (cu buricul de gât la naştere, înecat în bazin, gazat lângă sobă, strivit la New York în 2001, detonat în curte şi câte altele), că am primit pe loc un sac de mărturisiri, din care am înţeles cât de naiv am fost să mă consider un mare norocos. Alţii mi-au luat-o cu mult înainte. Inclusiv la umor. Involuntar. Bafta mea a fost să rămân în urmă şi să le citesc mărturisirile:

Tudor Bâc:
“Avorton (născut prematur la 6 luni), am supravieţuit, dar veşnic mă voi simţi aşa. Mamare mi-a improvizat în primele 10 luni un incubator în recamier, din sticle de lapte cu apă fiartă. Sora mea Luminiţa s-a stins subit la 3,5 ani de hepatită, lăsându-mi şi mie flagelul. De ea s-au ocupat mămica şi tăticu. De mine s-a ocupat bolnav doctorul. Ajuns în spital cu icter mecanic galben, am fost externat în casa părintească mai mult decedat, dar mi-a făcut fierturi şi m-a tăiat sub limbă ghicitoarea Tanti Mandrina Boaşe.”

Gheorghe Atodiresei:
“O ciutură mi-a dizlocat clavicula nu şi gâtul (tata umplea troaca de porci). De care din noi să fi avut grijă întâi? Îl înţeleg. Eu puteam mânca singur. Deşi copil, am eschivat la stânga când inelul de fier mi-a ocolit creştetul pe la dreapta. Am înţeles pe loc să mă dau deoparte. Apoi tata a pus cârlig de siguranţă la lanţ, dintre care era să cad de mai multe ori în fântână când trebuia să-i dau drumul. Copilărind la ţară, trăgeam cu săgeţi cu vârf din siringi ruginite, pe piept aveam zale din sac. Jocuri de-a balaurul şi Sf. Gheorghe. Eu (balaur) dădeam foc la gaz lampant luat în gură şi suflat. Răposatul frate-meu (Sf. Gh.) mă înţepa cu coasa. Alte răni: căzut pătulul peste noi (tăiat în joacă bulumaci de la bază). Mutat la oraş, jocuri cu pocnitori din fosfor şi cuie în asfaltul moale, vara. Plus apă şi carbid în ambalaje de tablă. La Şcoala 4 în părculeţ, explodam cartuşe oarbe la leagăn (unul cu plumb a ajuns în secretariat). La jocul Poarta castelului, ca pedeapsă eram luat de glezne-umeri şi folosit ca berbec în zid din alţi copii.”

David Turcu-Buzeşti:
“Surmenat de capitalismul de cumetrie (patronul mi-e cumătru cu contabilul-şef de la Trezorerie, eu angajat în divizia de pază), cad în anorexie la servici de Tăierea Împrejur a Domnului (Sf. Vasile, mic chef după tura de revelion) şi ies din comă de Sf. Muceniţe Tatiana Diaconiţa şi Eutasia. Cumătrul nu mi-a scăzut zilele de comă din concediul legal.”

Eleodor Purcărea:
”Conduc bicicleta cu strabism. Accidente minore (căzături cu fractură de pelvis pe polei) şi contravenţii pe zebră călare (m-au prins că n-am descălecat pe trecere pietoni). De Florii, intrat involuntar în refugiu RATB din plexiglas. Trei copci. Seismul din 1986 m-a prins pe casă la ancorat antenă bulgari. M-a ţinut antena. 2003, în staţie, troleu garează greşit, calcă o colegă (îi dădusem prioritate) la 1,5 metri de mine. Remuşcări adânci.”

Ion Ciprian Manzilac:
“Depresie (copil picat la Veterinară al optulea sub linie), barbiturice, dezintoxicat cu lapte praf de soţie. Pareză (pomete drept strâmbat). Sechele grave şi azi, dar invizibile. Serviciul greu din industria uşoară (la filatură apoi la lipit tălpi cu înlocuitori), intoxicaţii cu prelandez rusesc şi inhalat viscoză precipitată. Cură la Siutghiol.”

Virgil Spermezeanu:
“Vizită la Moldoviţa de 1 Mai 1986 (iradiaţii de la Cernobâl), osteoporoză, silicoză. Salvat cu moare de varză şi nuci verzi. Câine de companie (cockăr spaniol) luat praf în urechi, apărut tumori maligne, răposat până la Sf. Mărie Mică.”

Ion Mihai Plăcintă:
“Am adormit în saună la Olăneşti. M-a scos fiul meu deshidratat şi plin de băşici. În armată, tot dormind, am uitat la fiert pe reşou din BCA cu rezistenţă improvizată slană, m-am sculat în fum negru-alb. Scăzuse apa. Îmi place gras, sărat şi pipă. Ulcer perforat precoce, aritmie, amputat labă dreaptă până la genunchi. Datorită domnului doctor Ionaşcu, şi azi mă bucur de o bătrâneţe frumoasă. Mulţumesc, doctore!”

20 de comentarii:

Savin BADEA spunea...

Dragă Andrei,
Hai să-ţi mai povestesc încă una:
La Gura Humorului, un coleg de meserie, ing. Emilian Lup, îmi povestea următoarea întîmplare adevărată (era prin 1967):
"Am fost de gardă la unitate. Un soldat, coleg de de gardă, mă ameninţă, în joacă, că mă împuşcă! Şi, într-adevăr, trage cu arma înspre mine şi glonţul îmi trece pe lîngă ureche şi peforează zidul. Eu, alb ca varul. El: n-am vrut decît să glumesc. Aranjăm ca glonţul tras să fie justificat de o somaţie, prin sperietură: s-a speriat santinela de un cîine şi a tras înspre un tufiş.
Dar, surpriză!, a două zi soseşte maică-mea, plîngînd:
- Bine că eşti în viaţă , copilul meu! Acum zece ani am visat că de Sfînta Marie (peste exact zece ani) am să te pierd. Nici nu poţi să-ţi închipui cît am pătimit în aceşti zece ani! Azi, calvarul meu a luat sfîrşit! Îţi mulţumesc, Doamne!
Eu o priveam mut, înmărmurit. Mama nu contenea din plîns, mă mîngîia şi-mi şoptea:
- Ieri a fost Sfînta Maria: s-au împlinit zece ani!
După ce-am scăpat de uluială, i-am povestit mamei că visul ei s-a adeverit: i-am povestit ce păţisem ieri. "
Pentru conformitate, Savin BADEA.

Savin BADEA spunea...

Dragă Andrei,
Te rog citeşte:
POVEŞTI DE PE STRADA MEA - PROLOG
şi:
POVEŞTI DE PE STRADA MEA 4 - DE CÎTE ORI ERA SĂ MOR
pe OCHI ALBAŞTRI 5
Hai să colaborăm!
Savin BADEA

Anonim spunea...

http://www.fragrance-direct.info/ Shop for Flair 80ml amex authentic perfume distributors 2.5 FL OZ gift sets authentic Oscar Gold 4.2 FL OZ 125ml deals cheap Phantom Of The Opera 75ml compare prices wholesale top ten womens fragrances 2 FL OZ paypal Purchase Dior Me, Dior Me Not 2.7 FL OZ diners club not fake best smelling perfume 100.55ml diners club Where to buy Kenzo Flower 100.55ml diners club Get fragrance hotel rose 40ml bonus Purchase Intimate Red 50ml visa Shopping for women's best perfume 3 FL OZ 90ml online Discounted Eau De Patou 2.5 FL OZ samples cheapest Verino 15ml reviews cheapest Ted Lapidus 2.7 FL OZ accepts credit cards Where to buy Mediterraneum 75ml gift sets Sale of bath and body works fragrances 0.05 FL OZ accepts credit cards not fake dirty english fragrance 1.7 FL OZ samples wholesale Deep Red 3.4 UK FL OZ deals best Hugo Xx 60ml website Get Ciara 100% 25ml visa

[b]Get the best deals on Mens and Womens Perfumes.[/b]
[url=http://cloakedlink.com/nsayuwazuf]
[img]http://fragrance-direct.info/bigarrow.gif[/img]

http://cloakedlink.com/nsayuwazuf <== VISIT THIS SITE TODAY (Up to[u] 80% Discount[/u] on select items)
[/url]



[size=1] IGNORE THIS----------------------------

ionic tooth whitening leading whiten teeth with at home products Carmarthenshire teeth whitenjing [url=http://teethwhiteningstripsreviews.info] tooth whitener strip reviewed[/url] cosmetic clarksville arkansas teeth whitening teeth whitening franchise teeth whitening denver Airdrie teeth whitening hertfordshire trial price comparison teeth whitening california Nunavut best kind fast acting teeth whiening springfield massachusetts teeth whitening Grampian

[url=http://guaranteedheightincrease.info/]height enhancement[/url] - http://guaranteedheightincrease.info/
[url=http://provenpenisenlargement.info/]proven penis growth[/url] - http://provenpenisenlargement.info/
[url=http://provenskincareadvice.info/]skin care advice[/url] - http://provenskincareadvice.info/
[url=http://getrichgambling.info/]get rich gambling[/url] - http://getrichgambling.info/
[url=http://herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/]herpes outbreak[/url] - http://herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/
[url=http://STOP-PREMATURE-EJACULATION-SOLUTIONS.INFO]stop premature ejaculation[/url] - http://STOP-PREMATURE-EJACULATION-SOLUTIONS.INFO
[url=http://3GMOBILEPHONESFORSALE.INFO]used mobile cell phone on sale[/url] - http://3GMOBILEPHONESFORSALE.INFO
[url=http://internationaloddities.reviewsdiscountsonline.com] internationaloddities review[/url]
[url=http://drobuds.reviewsdiscountsonline.com]dro buds reviews [/url]

Anonim spunea...

like gambling? love las vegas? hearing the all diverse [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com]casino[/url] las vegas at www.casinolasvegass.com with onto 75 … la mode free [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com]online casino[/url] games like slots, roulette, baccarat, craps and more and compose a toothsome in expression currency with our $400 cost-free bonus.
we be pang with unbroken punter games then the superannuated online [url=http://www.place-a-bet.net/]casino[/url] www.place-a-bet.net!

Anonim spunea...

Hey guys,

I'm just browsing sites for the children of Haiti.

I'm doing this for a non-profit haiti group that devotes themselves to
creating an oppurunity for the children in haiti. If anybody wants to help then do so here:

[url=http://universallearningcentre.org]Donate to Haiti[/url] or Help Haiti

They give children in Haiti books and teach them.

Please check them out, they are legitimate.

It would be awesome if you could help us

Anonim spunea...

[URL=http://www.wallpaperhungama.in/details.php?image_id=13415][IMG]http://www.wallpaperhungama.in/data/thumbnails/117/Minissha Lamba-91.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[URL=http://www.wallpaperhungama.in/details.php?image_id=13240][IMG]http://www.wallpaperhungama.in/data/thumbnails/117/Minissha Lamba-90.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[URL=http://www.wallpaperhungama.in/details.php?image_id=13236][IMG]http://www.wallpaperhungama.in/data/thumbnails/117/Minissha Lamba-87.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[URL=http://www.wallpaperhungama.in/details.php?image_id=13234][IMG]http://www.wallpaperhungama.in/data/thumbnails/117/Minissha Lamba-85.jpg[/IMG][/URL]


[url=http://www.wallpaperhungama.in/cat-Minissha-Lamba-117.htm][b]Minissha Lamba Sexy Wallpapers[/b][/url]

Photo gallery at WallpaperHungama.in is dedicated to Minissha Lamba Pictures. Click on the thumbnails on enlarged Minissha Lamba pictures, live photographs and snobbish photos. Also after discernible other Pictures Gallery representing High quality and High Resolution twin scans, talking picture captures, talkie promos, wallpapers, hollywood & bollywood pictures, photos of actresses and celebrities

Anonim spunea...

Coach is a high-ranking American designer of luxury goodies, clear from handbags coach handbags to jewelry and sunglasses to shoes. The coach has been 1 of the most popular and excellent designer handbags and accessories on the market name. They are distributed through Coach 400 stores and more than 1200 joint U.S. retail. As a result of solid marketplace competition, [url=http://www.discountoncoach.com]coach online store[/url] website, as well as retailers are encouraging and offering Coach handbags outlet coupons for reduced prices. These coupons are emailed to customers or it can be exploited by visiting the discount coupons offered by the company websites. You can easily find websites offering a Coach Outlet Coupon through the popular search engines. What you need to do is simply type the words "Coach Discounted Coupons" and you will get a list of sites from where you can avail promotional or discounted coupons for the purpose of buying purses and handbags of you desired brand. Some other search terms which can help you to find out a Coach Outlet Coupon include "coach shoes discount", "coach coupon codes", "coach promo codes", "coach discount handbags", "coach promotional codes", "coach purses discount", "coach bags discount", and "coach bag coupons".

To shop for fashionable [url=http://www.discountoncoach.com/coach/leather-bags]Coach Leather Bags[/url], visit [url=http://www.discountoncoach.com/coach/handbags]Coach Handbags[/url] Online Store. We give you best in the world and that too at very high discounted rate.

Anonim spunea...

Buenas noches

You can watch latest movies for free here:
http://www.freemoviez.biz

There are many HD movies

Chaw

[URL="http://www.freemoviez.biz"][IMG]http://static.thepiratebay.org/img/firefox-22.png[/IMG][/URL]

Anonim spunea...

hello all

I just wanted to introduce myself to everyone!

Can't wait to get to know you all better!

-Marshall

Thanks again!

Anonim spunea...

if you guys desideratum to suborn [url=http://www.generic4you.com]viagra[/url] online you can do it at www.generic4you.com, the most trusted viagra drugstore asset of generic drugs.
you can ascertain drugs like [url=http://www.generic4you.com/Sildenafil_Citrate_Viagra-p2.html]viagra[/url], [url=http://www.generic4you.com/Tadalafil-p1.html]cialis[/url], [url=http://www.generic4you.com/VardenafilLevitra-p3.html]levitra[/url] and more at www.rxpillsmd.net, the pre-eminent [url=http://www.rxpillsmd.net]viagra[/url] originator on the web. well another great [url=http://www.i-buy-viagra.com]viagra[/url] pharmacy you can find at www.i-buy-viagra.com

Anonim spunea...

Predilection casinos? probe this advanced [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com]free casino[/url] games. advisor and fake online casino games like slots, blackjack, roulette, baccarat and more at www.realcazinoz.com .
you can also into our untrained [url=http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com]casino[/url] hint at http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com and win true folding spondulix !
another unsurpassed [url=http://www.ttittancasino.com]casino[/url] spiele plot is www.ttittancasino.com , because german gamblers, make magnanimous online casino bonus.

Anonim spunea...

I made a Starcraft II website found here:

[url=http://www.thedarkshrine.com]Starcraft 2[/url]
http://www.thedarkshrine.com

I am going to be adding many things to the site, such as replays, vods, fpvods, maps, live streams, tools, esports info and much more. There is a wiki there and really could use helpers to assist. I hope you guys can register as my goal is for this website to be one of the most powerful SC2 sites on the net. Please register soon as there will be a tournament. If you have any suggestions please feel free to let me know!

Thx. Great board by the way!

Anonim spunea...

Your business card online is definitely an extension of one's organization and is vital for merchandise branding. It reflects your operation profile, your providers and it is appropriate for marketing at the same time as networking. A very well planned business card online makes a lasting primary impression, which can be crucial any time you don't want your business card thrown away. At Pixellogo, we provide online ingenious style and design solutions that are crucial while branding your agency image. Browse by means of our stationery catalogue and pick customizable structure templates or use our website design companies to exclusively pattern your personal business card. No matter whether that you're a small start-up service or an already established business, it is possible to come across your ideal business card creation on this webpage. [url=cool business cards
mini business cards [/url]

Pioneering design for the business card online! Make the very best use of our business card online products and services

We make business card online layouts to suit your company’s requirements, but which convey your lender profile in an attention-grabbing way. You will discover models suiting every single business demand ranging in the food business for the sports business right here! We make available ready-to-use business card online templates which you can still download and modify as per your needs. We also make available exclusive styles which will reflect your service persona in your most specialist way. You will style and design a business card online by collaborating with our business card maker, who will endow you which has a range of designs you will be able to pick out from. If you ever approve of any theme but would like it to be modified, our business card online maker will alter it for 100 % free! We even add layout fx for your cards to generate them considerably more catchy. So what are you currently waiting for!? Create your eye-catching business cards online, appropriate the following on our online site.

great business cards
business cards program
make your own business card
designing business cards
business card creator
business cards online
make business cards online
1000 business cards
make business card
elegant business cards
business card online template
business cards on line
quick business cards
design a business card
free business card creator
order business card
fast business cards
business card photographer
business card designing
business card making

Anonim spunea...

What are you listening to at the moment? [url=http://tjenepengerraskt.blogspot.com/]tjene penger hjemmefra[/url]

Anonim spunea...

Greetings. I like your article. This is a nice site and I wanted to post a note to let you know. good job!

Anonim spunea...

Hi Folks!

I wanted to share with you a great site I just came across teaching [url=http://www.kravmagabootcamp.com][b]Krav Maga[/b][/url] For All Levels If you guys have seen the Discovery Channel TV Show called Fight Quest you would have seen their chief instructor Ran Nakash there featured on their [url=http://www.kravmagabootcamp.com][b]Krav Maga[/b][/url] segment. Anyways, let me know what you think. Is training via the internet something you would do?


all the best

Michael

Anonim spunea...

I'm a post masteral in search of an employment during laptop field. I am accessible to some kind of occupation for instance computer data obtain, company assitant, web 2 . administrative, teaching computer, home tuitions, engineer analyst, seo, content copy writer, etcetera. I did wonders through North american, The indian subcontinent, and searching for a split to have canadian adventure. Herbal legal smoking buds accumulated qualifications together on encoding and even the english language.

[url=http://foro.davidbisbal.com/index.php?showuser=426622
]Suthproor
[/url]
[url=http://www.salon-adity.ru/forum/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=13752
]Suthproor
[/url]
[url=http://forum.linhthach.vn/member.php?u=22565
]Suthproor
[/url]

Anonim spunea...

t With warm flatsoled and three johnson souls, Ugg sheepskin boots kick out are perfect takes place so that you can credited being on the bed. Dressed in Ugg trainers in A hallow's eve party is going to be upsurge for individuals must dress many different within competition. Not at all apply the view or else the competition a number of people, backed up Cheap Ugg sheepskin hunter boots boot you can be very stylish equipped with unexpensive proper. Really a best app from the time-honoured theory "form follows function," Uggs by no means produced any pretence to style or style. The unique craftsmen concentrated on fit, function, and durability; and practically nothing about their styling or building has transformed around the years. thought to be from your standpoint of style history, they as effortlessly could have graced the ft of seventeenth century British explorers or Powhattan warriors because they adorn your fairly ft now. [url=http://www.uggsnowboottang.net]Ugg Boots Outlet[/url] Children and grown-ups alike are wearing their brightly colored boots regardless of the season. Celebrities are wearing these boots during filming breaks. Surfers are wearing these boots at the beach! Young or old, male or female, the demand for these boots has never before been greater. from Mezoboots.com are extremely lightweight and are made of EVA/rubber. These UGG boots are designed so that they can be worn without socks only. Our boots that are made of pure sheepskin are such that they adjust themselves according to your size by stretching the leather. [url=http://www.uggsnowboottang.com/]outlet ugg boots[/url] Er zijn zo verschillend voor mensen tegenwoordig om te kiezen. Luipaard print Aupie UGG laarzen maken je uniek en speciaal. Roseo kleuren UGG laarzen geven andere mensen een gevoel van onschuld. The lining wicks any moisture from the foot and assists in insulating the boots, therefore generating these boots a much preferred footwear for icy weathers. Since the fit of these boots are not tight, there is air circulation ensuring the thermal properties with the boots. The Ugg boots have grown to be a favorite internationally as a fashion trend, even though first created in either Australia or new Zealand. Men need something a little warmer, how about considering a pair of short ugg boot. With sheep's wool in integral, you will hardly notice that winter has arrived. After the development of these years, Ugg boots now adapt to men, which is not like women boots that seek for stylish.

Anonim spunea...

When you really think about it, [url=http://www.hotdeal.vn/]Thoi trang nam[/url] is something that can have a tremendous impact depending on the situation. This is simple to comprehend and natural, and it is not something that only affects you. Many people have developed more issues for themselves because they did not gather all the related facts. That is precisely why we suggest you take a look at all of your options as it relates to getting the most for your efforts. What follows next are a few matters about this topic that you will want to know so you can choose the best options.

The general complexities of women's and men's fashion

Both women and men could have the difficulties of keeping their wardrobe up-to-date and in time, yet men's fashion frequently seems a lot less complicated. Of program, for both genders, costumes and style choices could be just as complex, and there are many'fashionable'items which can rapidly become fashion faux pas - who will say they often times see people travelling in 70s flares? On the other hand, men's style has a few staple goods that will exist forever - which man is going to watch out of position with a good-quality, tailored suit, for example? Pick basic pieces, colours and fabrics and you'll never seem out-of-place.

Why classic men's style is eternal

The common man's suit has scarcely changed for over a hundred years. True, there are numerous versions for various situations, but they are all common in their pursuit of a wise, sharp look for the individual. The good thing about classic fashion for men is that it is simply stylish simply neat. A well-groomed gentleman can typically look his sharpest in a well-tailored suit, and this can be a testament to the style of such apparel. A match will undoubtedly be used to work in many professions because of the professional look it affords to the individual, instilling a feeling of respect and trust. Similarly a match will undoubtedly be utilized to many social functions, like a tuxedo to a black-tie affair. This amazing flexibility that allows suits to be used in just about all situations is what gives it its timeless border and a permanent devote men's fashion.

Contemporary developments in traditional men's fashion

Whilst basic men's designs will never be replaced, it's interesting to observe that shifts in men's fashion trends have brought particular basic garments back to fashion. The acceptance of vintage clothing, especially, has taken back a wide-variety of classic types into men's wardrobes, such as that of the dandy guy. 'Dandy'is a term used to reference men who dress in a classic yet elegant way, placing importance on appearance and acting in a refined method. This trend for almost'over-the-top'common fashion for men is evident from events such as the'Tweed Run', where men and girls of all ages dress yourself in particularly Victorian-style clothing and decide to try the streets on vintage bicycles - with many of the men sporting perfect mustaches! That is only one of several examples of evidence exhibiting the revival of such types. Additionally, there are numerous sites on the web which give attention to gentlemanly type - such as'The Dandy Project'and'Dandyism'- as well as whole websites such as'The Art of Manliness'focused on providing articles on common men's fashion and grooming.

In conclusion, though certain areas of classic men's fashion could be brought back as new movements, the essential outfits which they are derived from will never fall out of fashion.

"All it will take are a few basic outfits. And there is one secret - the easier the better." - Cary Grant

StyleGun is an online men's fashion store with a complex twist.
Read More: [url=http://aothunsangtrong0.soup.io/post/298445739/Bat-loi-cua-phuong-thuc-mua-chung]thoi trang nam he 2012[/url]

Anonim spunea...

She lives with Politis in a [url=http://www.longchampsaclongchamps.com/]Longchamp[/url]
flat devoid of [url=http://www.longchampsaclongchamps.com/]Longchamp[/url]
colour and print (similarly she usually wears black). Her boyfriend takes full credit on her behalf success. 'He says. "You'd be a mysterious architect by now in the event it wasn't in my opinion. Zippered Backpack is a practical way to show your charming combined with the fashionable front. Graceful color lets the Longchamp zippered backpack go to be popular among ladies. It is especially unique and stylish.
|